Review: 1Kg Solid Gold Bar #ParodyRant

We've long awaited this moment, and it's finally here; Mother Nature's flagship element has finally hit the stores, coming in a eye catching yellow; that can't help but turn heads and drop jaws, read on to see what our highly trained staff of professional monkeys and that one guy who brings us the coffee think.

Well first off let's talk about the elephant(s) in the room, there's no ignoring it, as hard as Mother Nature would like us to believe, this is NOT the element for you. There's no denying that the 1KG gold bar has some very impressive specs, but it just doesn't feel like something that our staff could fall in love with so we've decided that it's a no-go.

First off it's just too damn heavy, Mother Nature would have us believe that the reason that the 1KG gold bar is so heavy is because it's packed full of tightly wound atoms which lead to a better consistency and will eventually benefit the end-user; but we're not buying it.  For something so small nothing justifies it's weight, sure the built in feature of getting any women too swoon with just the tiniest glimpse of it is neat, but it feels more of a gimmick; sure we used it a couple times at the bar, but it's not something that's needed in todays day and age. We think that losing the swoon factor in favor of a lighter product would be a more than fair trade-off; we've also discussed whether or not the inclusion of a "never-corrode" factor is actually needed, and the general consensus is that it's just another gimmick Mother Nature have crammed in to distract you from the absurd weight.

The second elephant in the room (yes it's amazing what you can fit in one room when so little is occupied by intelligence), is the ridiculous pricing! The 1KG Solid Gold Bar is set to retail at around 40,000 Euros, nothing justifies this border-line ridiculous price, even if this 1KG bar of gold was worth it's weight in platinum it still wouldn't cost as much. For less than a tenth of that price you could easily buy an end market 1KG Silver bar which gives you a lot of similar features at a much more reasonable price point (not to mention an overall lighter product).

Finally we come to the major flaw, the carrier availability; Mother Nature has decided to make it's flagship element only available in rare remote areas of the world buried under mountains of earth, which frankly given all the flaws in the product has forced us to give the "Not Worth the Trouble" verdict.

In Summary Mother Nature had a good run teasing us with its flagship element, but no matter what features it packs it just doesn't justify the price nor the weight; if you're considering wasting your money on this might we suggest you invest in fruits, I hear Apple trees are all the rave nowdays.

Product Score: 2.5/5